But seriously, I'd send Cutscene Dante, Samus Aran, Kratos, Ryu Hayabusa, Gene from Godhand, Travis Touchdown, whoever flew the Einhander ships, and whoever flies the Vic Viper (both with ships of course), the US Army and for the hell of it, the Scout from TF2.
Cutscene Dante seems to take everything and CRAAAAAAAAAAAAAZY it off.
Samus Aran has a track record of blowing entire planets and other things up.
Ryu Hayabusa's a ninja. He'll flip out and cut your fucking head off.
The guys from Einhander and Gradius know how to deal with bullet hell. That's ALL they endure.
Kratos is the FUCKING GOD OF WAR, and is always pissed off, although I figure he'd rape half of the girls before he killed him.
Gene has the Godhand, and can fuck shit up as well.
Travis? For the hell of it.