I gave up on looking. Nothing really mattered anymore, and I received everyday with the same apathetic face. Real life and all of its worries just bounced off me. Long gone were the days when I would scourge libraries and cafes searching for her.
It took me years to realize she just wasn't there. Tried conforming, going for something else. It didn't have to be her, it could be anyone. I tried to delude myself, and they knew it. It never lasted, and finally gave up on that too.
Just as I did with everything else in my little pathetic life.
I sought the refuge of the digital, letting the hum of computer fans and the rhythmic clacking of the keyboard comfort me. Watching other people like myself didn't help. I could see my inevitable end, in a few years, struggling to get out of the chair and reach for someone, anyone.
Nobody would be there. Nobody is here with me.
So long anon-tan. My only consolation is that the only reason I couldn't find you is that right now you're sitting in your own digital cradle, trying as desperately as I do to find something worth living for.
Maybe someday, we will run into each other. Maybe I do have some hope after all.
I can't help to smirk. It will never happen, but isn't it a beautiful dream?