Fucking Japan. "You are in serious danger because you have the common cold! An illness so deadly people might miss a day of school or work and spend the whole day watching TV while being mildly annoyed by coughing and snot! I must cure you in a sexual manner because I can't actually do anything sexual with you for reasons of fun because we live in a sexually repressed culture, only its not really like that anymore except in these nerd wet-dreams!"
Just drop the fucking BS and just screw already.