He completely broke down and lost all composure. I mean, it just didn't seem like a good enough reason. Hell, I can't imagine any reason for the guy whose been through so much shit to break down on such a minor moment in his long life.
I donno, maybe I'll come to peace with the moment in time. I don't think I've reread any of the hellsing chapters for the past 2 volumes since they came out. Might make more sense in context instead of waiting months inbetween each chapter.
I suppose it's time to reread that part. But I can't imagine ever seeing the scene as anything above a serious moment of weakness for a character whose only allowed to be strong at ALL times.