I am using him. I’m supposed to feel bad but I do not. Every time he does something for me, after I instruct him to do it, I don’t ask, I tell him to do things, I go to my room and think, “What a stupid asshole.” I fucking hate him with every fiber of my being.
I have manipulated him every day and he eats it up like the dumbass that he is. He makes it too easy. Which only makes me despise him more.
I’m concerned about this trait in me. I’m normally a very caring and empathetic person but this one brings out the evil in me.
Even as I’m typing this confession all I can muster up is a “Whatever. I’m getting what I want.”
I have no idea why I don’t feel guilty. I’m supposed to feel guilty but I just don’t care. I’m probably going to rot in hell for this. And that’s the only reason I want to feel guilty…for my sake…not his. In fact, I think I’ve just reserved myself the penthouse suite in hell. And I still can’t find it in me to care.