So I was thinking about it today. When it comes to ronery, I try to stay as optimistic as possible. Maybe there's someone out there willing to give me a chance. Maybe there's an alternate dimension out there in the infinite number of dimensions where a girl would be able to like me.I think these things, despite the ration part of my brain telling me it's improbable, or even impossible. It gives me hope. But in all honesty, not even I can keep it up all the time. Sometimes, I am literally slapped in the face with the simple fact that I will die alone. I do not know the exact reason why (though I have many leads), but I know girls despise me, even thought they don't know me. And there is little or nothing I can do the change it. It causes me pain. Not like physical pain, which cancels all other sensations in a blinding fit of agony. But something softer, more subtle. it sticks with you day by day, no matter how hard you try to ignore it. Untill finally, it wells up in your chest, and you can't bear it anymore. If you're the type of person who can cry, now is the time it happens, whether you want it to or not. If not, you simply feel that horrible feeling in you gut. And you know, deep in your soul, that it will never get better. You will feel this way untill the day you die. It's a wee bit depressing.