Typing has ruined my life, like it has done to so many others.
Less than a week ago, I thought the premise of typing was the stupidest thing I'd ever heard. The alphabet was just a meme, and I didn't even know any other letters. But then I typed the first keystroke. And then the second. And couldn't stop until I was done with the whole lot. That was four days ago. By then, I was hopelessly entangled. I was in love with the keys and the board. I started daydreaming that I was a keyboard, or that I had a keyboard of my own. I suddenly had a craving for IME, so I went and installed it, and it's all I've been typing these past few days. And then it got even worse. Two days ago, I bought another, fancier keyboard. Now, I'm hopelessly in love with it. All I want from life is to be able to hold it and type on it, keep it safe from coffee spills, so I can type on it forever. I fantasize about it becoming human, so I can go out with it, make sweet, sweet, love to it, and marry it and have a happy life with my dear keyboard. The typing's given me other side effects, too, which keep getting worse. Whenever I see porn or hentai now, all I can think is "no keys, not hot." All I can fap to is keyboard doujins. I see the mouse's face and get in a bloodcurdling rage like I've never felt before. It made my keyboard cry! I've stopped caring about my car, which for years was everything to me. I've stopped caring about what I eat, except for a craving for keyboard-shaped cakes. I don't care about any other peripherals, components, or any consumer electronics. My only realistic desire right now is for a Saitek AW-6000i that I can cuddle while I sleep. I get jealous when I see anyone talk about it or post its picture, and pissed off when I hear the word mouse.
Come to me, keyboard! I'll love you, let me make you happy! You're not junk, let me give you my devotion and love and you'll see that you don't need to be so sad!
I'm typing as I type this.